I Brought This On Myself and I’m Going to Complain About It

My brain/body gave me solid self-care advice, I tried a compromise and then completely trampled  that, and here we are with the consequences.

I want my brain back. I want back my ability to spend significantly less than 54 minutes deciding what to blog about. I want to do the sleep thing that will get my brain back to where I like it.

It’s day 2 of my menses, folks. My energy and focusing should be slowly coming back, but it’s all but dead in the water at the moment.

Why? Because after the chorus shindig yesterday I went to my friends’ place and proceeded to sing show-tunes and then went home only to put on a purple corset and go right back out to enjoy PRIDE and stay up well past midnight. And did I mention yesterday was day one of my period when the worst of the cramps and exhaustion typically happens?

So now my brain is decompensating:

  • not letting me shirk my pre-scheduled writing time (good);
  • not letting me really focus in on writing anything (bad);
  • dreaming up a bajillion scenarios regarding this whole “maybe I’ll get an MFA” thing (distracting);
  • constantly re-shifting the balance of how I’m prioritizing upcoming purchases that need to happen for sanity but the which priority order needs also to be established for sake of sanity and budgeting (nerve-wracking);
  • giving me just enough clarity to get this post/list started and then tearing the rug out from under me (the f*ck?!);
  • etc.

I need to go back to bed. I need to treat today as a sick day and recuperate. I need to leave work/Morning Writing early before I pass out or something.

I will rest up and be back — bright-eyed and bushy-tailed — tomorrow morning.

Also published on Medium.